My Acne Journey

Hi again! 

I took a little brain break from social media the past holiday season, and I am feeling much more clear headed about what I want to share in general. 

I want to talk about things I have experienced firsthand, that I've found a lot of women are still hesitant to talk about openly. 

And can you blame them?? 

Women have been conditioned to feel like they need to be perfect, high functioning robots in order to be worthy of respect and equality. 

However, that is a chat for another day

Today, I want to talk about my acne journey. 

I want to start out by saying that if you have struggled with stubborn acne or a skin condition of any kind, I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug. 

When my acne was at its worst, the hardest part was the whiplash I felt between genuine, pure anger and frustration that I could not find a solution, and guilt because it felt like such a trivial, superficial thing to be so upset over. 

I was dealing with painful, ruthless hormonal acne breakouts that WOULD NOT go away or ease up. 

I genuinely tried every solution in the book. 

Going on spironolactone. 

Harsh benzoyl peroxide topicals. 

Instagram skincare products that everyone "swore" cured their hormonal acne when nothing else did. 

I even had a couple chemical peels done. 

Every single time I tried something new, I felt a glimmer of hope that it would finally be the solution I'd been searching for. 

And every single time my skin would get better for a few weeks, and then come back fighting worse than ever. 

Every day when I woke up, the first thing I did was feel my skin to see if I had any new breakouts. Most days I did. And most days I immediately started the day in a very negative headspace. 

I am sure that this sounds a bit dramatic (unless you've had this experience). 

But it's the reality of how I felt for years. 

Around a year ago, something finally clicked. 

I realized that everything I had tried had been band-aid approaches to something that had to run much deeper. 

I knew there was a root cause somewhere, and my body had been screaming at me for years to find it. 

I found an incredible naturopathic doctor, who encouraged me to get some actual tests done to get real answers instead of just talking to me for 5 minutes and writing a new prescription - so I got a DUTCH test (hormones), GI Map test (gut microbiome), and blood work. 

She asked me about every facet of my life and genuinely took all of my answers into account. She asked about my diet, my digestion, my sleep, my cycle, my exercise, if I had painful periods or PMS symptoms. I had never met with a doctor who took a FULL picture approach, instead of simply treating the symptoms as just that, isolated symptoms. 

This was a game changer. 

Because the reality is, our symptoms are so much more than just symptoms. 

They are the signals that our body uses to communicate with us when something is off on a deeper level. 

When we ignore those signals, our body has no choice but to make them louder and louder. 

For the first time ever, I made the conscious shift to listen to what my body had been trying to tell me for so long. 

I learned that I had leaky gut, which put simply, is when your stomach gets so inflamed that it creates small holes for undigested food, toxins, and bacteria to 'leak' out of the stomach into the bloodstream (). This can cause severe immune system dysfunction, skin problems, fatigue, even mood changes. I was experiencing all of these. 

I addressed the general state of inflammation in my body in a few ways: 

1. Rethinking what I had been eating every single day - I prioritized eating anti-inflammatory, whole foods (foods straight from the earth!) and found a new way of eating that was intentional and made my body feel good. Side note - I LOVE good food and cooking things that I am excited to eat, and that was not something that I had to sacrifice. If anything, I love the way I eat now so much more because I know exactly what the foods are doing for my body and I consider it an act of self love to eat food that fuels you and that your body will thank you for. 

2. Rethinking the products that I was using - like I said, I had tried everything. I learned that using harsh cleansers with 50 different chemicals I couldn't pronounce was not doing me any good. I needed to trust my body and allow it to function naturally without drowning it. I began to wash my face once at night with warm water, and only use a gentle hydrating Blue Yarrow oil. 

3. Rethinking rest - I hadn't realized the constant state of stress and my body was under, even when I thought I was 'resting'. My down time between schoolwork and my 3 jobs almost solely consisted of constant stimulation from my phone or tv, my brain and body never had time to just breathe. I began to prioritize quality sleep (not just quantity) by limiting blue light consumption after sunset, limiting alcohol and caffeine especially at times in my cycle where my skin and body were more sensitive to endocrine disruptors, and giving myself enough time to quietly wind down by reading or writing before bed. 

4. Rethinking how I spoke to myself - Truthfully, this might have been the biggest shift in my skin. I had been so angry with my body for so long, and I verbalized it frequently. I would constantly complain to my friends, mom, and boyfriend that my body just 'didn't work right' and that something was just broken. Whenever my skin was flaring up, I would try so hard to be gentle with myself, but it was hard to not blame myself and my body. Every other shift that I made in my life, with my diet, products, and rest, was such a powerful act of self love that brought me one step closer to working with my body as one, instead of fighting against it. As I've learned more about all of the incredible things my body does to keep me alive and functioning, I've only grown in my appreciation and complete awe of how fucking AWESOME women are. And I don't let myself forget that my body is capable of being strong, resilient, and healthy. 

Right before my eyes, my body and skin began to heal. I was pretty baffled that after all this time, all it took was eating the food that is right for my body and saying a big 'F you' to every weird instagram skin balm I was convinced to try (embarrassing). That, and treating myself with patience, love, compassion and curiosity instead of being angry with myself anytime something feels off or I wake up with a pimple. 

I know this newsletter was a hefty one. -if you're still reading, thank you:)

This topic is so important to me because it was one of the most profound changes that happened when I learned about my body, my hormones, and how to take care of both.

My skin is certainly not perfect, and I still have flare ups. The difference is that now, I look at that flare up as a clue to something that my body needs or is telling me it doesn't like.

If you are struggling with acne now, whatever the cause is, I want you to know that it can get better. It may take some lifestyle shifts, but it is absolutely possible to feel your best in every facet of your health.

I will most definitely be chatting about this more, but as always, feel free to reach out with any thoughts and/or questions!

I appreciate you guys so much.

Go place your hands on your heart and say three things you love about yourself!!!

~ Morganne